I'm Still Here!

To all my loyal fans who may be wondering what is going on in my life, I just want you to know I'm still alive and ticking! This summer has proven to be one of the longest, most stressful I think I have had in my life. I will post more details later when I get a few minutes (probably when school is over. I should have a weeks worth of a break by then!).

Don't Put Your Eggs in One Basket!

I've decided that I have to post this now otherwise I won't get anything else done. This has been one of the longest weeks I can remember. It all started Sunday night when Abbie dumped a glass of juice on my brother's new laptop. Luckily he got it cleaned out and running again, but it wasn't a pleasant night.

Monday morning I got up and got ready for work just like any day except for the fact I was still upset about the night before and wasn't in the socializing mood. Abbie hadn't slept well through the night, but managed to be completely out when I went to get her jacket on so we could head off for the day. I decided I would change her diaper so that I could just put her in the play pen when we arrived at my sister's house and then be on my way. We ended up leaving home about ten minutes earlier than usual. I remember looking at the clock as we were driving away and saw that it was 4:23 and thought it was crazy that I was so early, but I would finally be to work early. When we got to my sister's, we went inside, I put Abbie in the play pen, had my sister put her antibiotics in the fridge, and bent down to give Abbie a hug and kiss before I left. I wasn't inside more than a few minutes, 3-4 tops.

As I walked out her front door, I looked at the house 2 doors down and noticed a man carrying a briefcase looking object walking towards the front door. I have a friend who lives there and sometimes see people come home at early hours, but this time there was something odd about him. I didn't see any cars and the house was dark, but he was certainly walking with intent. I walked out to my jeep, opened the drivers side door and saw my glovebox wide open. At that point in time, it clicked. I didn't have to look but I knew that my backpack and laptop were gone and that the "briefcase" the man was carrying was my laptop. I immediately ran back inside my sister's and yelled at her to call the police I had just been robbed. She asked me if I was serious and as I was running back outside, I yelled back something to the effect of yes I was serious and he was down the street. (I swear I didn't tell her to get off her lazy a**, like she thinks I did!)

I pulled out my cell phone and dialed my mom to tell her what happened. My voice started quivering as I told her I'd been robbed then a little voice in my head told me to pull it together and go after him. It wasn't right for him to get away with my stuff like that. I started running down the street to my friend's house to see if I could see him. It was so dark and I didn't dare go into the backyard by myself, so I did what any crazy girl would do in that situation.... I yelled out telling the a** hole to get back here with my stuff. Yeah, not my finest moment. Especially considering the fact that my mom was still on the phone with me. A quick apology to her and she said she was on her way.

I couldn't see anything at the house, so I decided to head down to the corner in the off chance that I would see someone running out of the neighborhood with my stuff. A brief moment later, the first police car arrived. He confirmed I was the one who had seen the perp and asked where he had gone. I pointed to the house and he immediately drove by with his spotlight on. He drove around the block then came back to the house. By this time, another police car was in the neighborhood. The officers got out and immediately started pounding on the door. No one answered, so they started checking the grounds. Apparently my sister was hearing a lot of noise in her backyard as well, so they searched her yard and the one next door as well. Meanwhile, I was standing at the corner and hearing a ton of rustling between the two houses in front of me. I got on my phone and called my sister and told her to send them down my way because I was sure someone was down my direction. As I looked around, I could tell that there were 2 different officers at the entrances of her neighborhood, not to mention the unmarked vehicle, and another one or two cars that were now patrolling the streets in hope of finding whoever was out there.

The police finally made it down my way. I told him and his partner that I was hearing a lot of rustling in the yards across the street and they went to check it out. Mom showed up about that time and joined me on the corner so I could fill her in on what was happening. Quick side note... My sister lives in one of the most beautiful neighborhoods because of all the greenery that is there. Well, this time it certainly isn't helpful! We were both surprised at how often and closely they looked into the trees. The one who was on the scene first came back and told me they hadn't seen anything. Then he asked me if I had any ties to the home behind me. I told him no and he shined his flashlight into a car that I happened to be standing next to. Apparently that one and one behind me had been broken into as well. He got on his radio and said something then told me they were going to do a sweep of all the cars in the neighborhood because they had noticed at least four or five others that had been broken in to. He told me I could go back to my sister's house and to wait for them to come back and take a statement. I asked if I could touch my vehicle or if they wanted to do prints. He said that they wouldn't be able to take prints because it had been so wet and they wouldn't be able to find something. I insisted that my car was pretty dry because I had driven it from Sandy, but he still declined. Mom asked if I wanted a ride back to my sister's, but I told her no and that I needed to work off some adrenaline.

I got back to the house and waited for the officers to return. I shed my first few tears during this time and went inside to visit the little girls room. Abbie woke up when I walked in the door, so I took her with me then made her a bottle and laid her back down. Thank heavens she was okay and sleeping through most of it. I gave the officer my statement and tried to recount everything that was in my bags. Not so easy to do on the spur of the moment! I had called into work while I waited at the first house to tell them I wasn't going to be for a while and why, so I figured that I would just hold off longer since I would be needing to cancel everything and get a new ID.

Long story shorter.... I ended up taking the day off so I could cancel my identity and find a new one. Can I just tell you that it is a major pain to start new with absolutely nothing, or close to it anyway. You can't start a new checking account without ID, but you can't get a new ID without having a social security card. In order to cancel credit cards, you have to know what the numbers are and if you haven't written them down somewhere or have billing statements, you're in a little trouble!

I called Ralph to ask him if he could get new insurance cards for me since mine were in my wallet. I broke down on the phone and told him what happened including the fact that I was in school again. He offered to purchase new books for me and help me out in any way he could. He called and sent me text messages throughout the day making sure I was okay. It was very nice of him and he reminded me of the Ralph I fell in love with years ago. I also spent a good time talking to one of my good friends who kept me calm and comforted as well.

I had a horrible time sleeping that night (and still have problems sometimes). When I close my eyes I see all over again that man walking down the street with my stuff or opening my car and seeing the glove box wide open. It sure is a pain and I still have that gut wrenching pain that came after the initial shock wore off.

Tuesday was a little better, but I was so incredibly worn out that it was a long day. Nothing got accomplished except for the fact that I made it through 12 hours of work. Luckily my boss was out of town on vacation, so I got a few short naps in at work! Wednesday was so incredibly busy at work, I didn't have much time to breath. I did figure out that "nice Ralph" was gone and he was back to normal. He didn't bother me about school Monday night, but you better believe that come Wednesday afternoon the harassment began. It's going to be another long battle with him concerning school.

My poor Abbie has definitely noticed the stress in me too. Thursday and Friday were Ralph's scheduled days to have her and she was not interested in going with him at all. She gave him a hug and a kiss then wanted "mom" back. She is practically glued to me and doesn't want to be put down. She's such a cute little stink! I sure love her to death!!!

Among the things that were stolen were a brand new MacBook laptop computer, a new computer bag, a biology book and lab book, a graphing calculator, a change of clothes including a new Victoria's Secret bra and my favorite grey Airmed t-shirt, a few DVD's, a reading book by my favorite author Mary Higgins Clark, a folder with church papers in it, and some of my court stuff. As of Thursday morning, they have had some stuff from the neighborhood turned in (from what I heard from the neighborhood watch person, 10-12 ish cars were broken into in that neighborhood that night), but nothing belonged to me. I loved the evidence person I talked to. She reassured me that they would notify me if anything came in and they get a lot of backpacks in, so there is a chance that I may see something again eventually. I lost my wallet which had my drivers license, my paramedic and fire certificates/badges, my credit cards, my check book, my insurance cards, and a couple of dollars. All of it had to be replaced. It wasn't until after that night that my mom told me that they say you're not supposed to put all of your cards, checks, ID's, etc in the same place. Yep, it makes sense, but I've never heard it before and I certainly didn't do that!

In my thinkings, my biggest initial fear was that Ralph had something to do with it. After I heard that so many vehicles had the same problem, I figured it was just a lucky shot for them. My biggest fear though from the entire experience is that they were so close. I know the neighbor kiddy corner from my sister was broken in to. Either they came from there or they were in my sisters driveway or right next door and I didn't see them. If I had locked my door after I got Abbie out of the car, would they have been desperate enough to physically do something to me or Abbie in order to get my keys from me? That fear haunts me. Things could have possibly been much worse. (I am a huge worry wart, if you can't tell) I'm lucky that neither Abbie or I were hurt. We were definitely blessed with safety that morning.

Monday night, Ralph and I did some talking (I told you he was nice to me) and I told him that I'm not one to ask "why me," but I did ask what I'm supposed to have learned from this. I've come up with a few things so far. First of all, being a single parent I am a huge chicken. I need to learn to be tougher. Second, lock your car doors, even if it is 4:30 in the morning and you are only going to be inside for a few minutes. Third, don't put all your valuables in one spot. It is a pain to reclaim or replace them!

I was telling this same friend that I talked to all day Monday (not Ralph) that I feel like I lost a child. It has rained every day since Monday and all I can think is that my stuff is out there somewhere waiting for someone or me to find it. I have been back to my sister's house numerous times in this last week and each time I drive through her neighborhood I drive slowly in the hopes that I may see something that has been overlooked. Still no luck, but I'm hopeful. I've learned in my life not to be too much of an optimist because I always seem to get the brunt side of it, but there is a huge part of me that believes my stuff will be returned to me or at least some of it. Lots of prayers have been said this week!

Happy 18 Months, Abbers!

June 5, was Abbie's official 18 month birthday! (Yep, I'm a dork! I've kept track of stuff like that!) This is for you kiddo!

I just wanted to tell you that I love you dearly and that I am so grateful the Lord trusted me enough to have you in my life! (what was he thinking?!?) You mean the world to me!

Just a few things you are doing now at 18 months:

*You are constantly singing! You have the cutest little voice and sing all the time. Once in a while I'll be able to pick out a distinguishable word. Your favorite songs to sing are Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree, I Am a Child of God, and I'm a Little Teapot.

*You climb on everything possible. I see stitches and broken bones in your future!

*You repeat everything you hear. It amazes me the vocabulary you have and the ability and clarity you have to repeat words and sounds you hear!

*You are the sweetest kid ever! Don't get me wrong, the tantrums are not so sweet, but you love hugging and kissing everything!

*I wish I had a video camera on you 24/7 because of the many faces you pull! You keep all of us in stitches with your personality! I hope you never change that!

I love you so much kiddo! As much as I miss the cute, cuddly, quiet little thing you once were, I am so excited to see you grow up! Love you sweet pea!





*** for those who read this regularly, I have the cutest picture of her to put in, I just need access to my parents computer to put it in. stat tuned for my next post to learn the reasons why I can't do it now for those who don't already know!***

Ahh, the Power of a Slurpee!

When was the last time any of you had a good old fashioned Slurpee from 7-11? Well, for me it's been years! I think the last time I got a slurpee was when I was junior high or high school (probably more like jr. high!) and I'd go out and mow the lawn for my dad. It was always his payment for doing the deed for him. Not that I was ever looking for slurpee payments for mowing the lawn, I much preferred the excuse to wear a tank top and get a little sun!!! I confess, I've never liked looking like a ghost! (stay tuned for my blog to come! you can all tell me how stupid I am then!!)

Anyway, back to slurpees! It's been a really long week, lots of stress, little sleep. I had to leave Abbie again today so I could go to my biology lab. Not an easy thing for me to do, especially since she spent so much time with Ralph this week which means that her system is all out of whack! Luckily, I have the best sister in the world who is always willing to help me out by babysitting. Easy peasy day for her though, Abbie slept the entire time! (poor kid though, a five hour nap is so not in the norm for her!)

I get to my lab, take my quiz (which I think I pretty much rocked!), and get started on the lab material. I had read through the material yesterday and this morning and was thinking it would be pretty easy and I'd be done in less than two hours. Boy was I wrong! I am quickly learning that I am not cut out for this biology garbage (sorry to those who love the subject!). Those who really know me are probably questioning me at this point in time, since I'm going into medicine and biology is such a HUGE aspect of the medical world! Okay, lets face it, biology is all about cells and cells are the building blocks of life, yadda yadda yadda. I get it, without all of these cells, we would never exist, medicine would never exist, and so on! I could care less about those teeny tiny cells. Give me the structure! I can do anatomy, I can do physiology, I can do the calculations to figure out moles and molarity, but can I do biology? Heavens no! Nucleus, mitochondria, cytoplasm, cell wall... they are words I have heard since I was in elementary school and they still go in one ear and right out the other! I hate it! No wonder I only took the necessary biology courses to graduate and nothing more! I am no good at biology and all the stuff that require a microscope to see!!! I have not struggled with a class this much since I took my sociology class six years ago!

I managed to make it through the lab, making sure to hit all the exercises. Yeah, I found everything, mostly with the help from my professor, but I don't think I understood 99% of what I saw. With this in mind, I was pretty stinkin' close to tears on my way home. After calling both of my sisters and finding out that Abbie was still sleeping and I'd confirmed a walk with my baby sis, I headed over to pick up my sleeping babe. On the drive to my sister's, I was thinking of the places that we could walk tonight and all I could think about was how we used to walk to 7-11 all the time when we were kids to get slurpees. After that, I was doomed. I could not get my mind off of them!

Once Abbers and I finally got home, I ran the slurpee thought by my sister and she agreed that they sounded delish!! Because of Abbie's long nap, she had missed out on lunch. Dad bbq'd (and managed to do it fairly early tonight!), so I decided to feed my kiddo first. By the time we had all eaten, neither of us wanted to go walking but we still wanted a slurpee! So my sister, Abbie, and I all hoped into the car and headed to the local sev and purchased slurpees for the fam. Let me just tell you, it was the BEST treat I have had in a long time! It was seriously like I was pregnant again with the cravings and needing to have it (except that I really didn't have any situations when I was pregnant that I HAD to have something). I got a wild strawberry and melon berry or something like that mixture. The wild strawberry was way too tart for my sensitive tongue, but I enjoyed it thoroughly throughout the night! I even got Abbie her own! Abbers loved it and managed to eat the majority of it! The fam enjoyed theirs too! No complaints in this household! For anyone who is looking for an inexpensive, cold treat this summer, may you keep in mind the slurpee! (no, I'm not getting paid for the plug, I just really enjoyed it and wanted to share in my bliss!) It also helps when you are having a bad day! Nothing like taking a walk down memory lane!!!

Catch up!

I am continuously reminded by one certain someone about how long it has been since I have posted, so I figure it's about time to write something to let my fans out there know that I am still alive and ticking! (thanks you 2 or 3 out there who actually look at this once in a while!)

I've been racking my brain trying to figure out why it's taken me over a month to post and I think I've come up with a few solutions....

1) Pure exhaustion has set in. I am seriously more tired than I think I have been in my life. I go to work, come home, take care of Abbie & put her to bed, then I crash myself. There just never seems to be enough time in the day.

2) Work seems to be getting busier. Maybe it's the fact that we lost two more people on our team, making five total in the last year, and management has only hired one to replace the five. Funny thing, we don't have the "finances" to hire more people for our team, but there is no problem paying overtime to fill the constant void??? I don't get it. It's certainly tiring and it makes me feel guilty spending more time away from Abbie, but with all the attorney's fees I'm still trying to pay, I could certainly use the money. Somehow, this may be contributing to my exhaustion!

3) School started for me. Now this is another long story. For the second semester in a row, I've gone my rounds with the college. I can't even remember what happened last semester, but the supervisor person I talked to "fixed" everything and told me I was all set to start school the summer semester. Well, guess who went the rounds with the admissions staff once again? That's right, it was me!!! For some reason, my transcripts aren't there and there is nothing they can do about it. I think they finally got tired of me so they sent me on to the dean of the biology department. I explained my story to him through my brother, bless his heart! (he actually had the dean as a professor spring semester and offered to talk to him for me) Anyway, the dean bypassed the system and got me into the biology class I needed. Whew! One stressor down!

4) I am working on my application for PA school (physician's assistant for anyone who may be questioning what it is). Sheesh, I've heard people describe this application as scary and they certainly weren't kidding! I've managed to get my personal info onto the app, but have so much more to go! I would love more than anything to start grad school next year, but I know my application is lacking in a few areas. First, volunteer experience. Yep, I realize I really haven't been out in the community the last few years. I've really been focused on my own life and dealing with the changes that have come! Second, shadowing. I work with PA's every day, so I have a general idea of what they do, but I haven't followed them outside of work. I have plans to follow one now, but would love to find at least one other to shadow. Seems so easy, but once again, I'm torn at how much time it is taking away from my time with Abbie. I feel like she is spending so much more time with Ralph or my sister than she is with me. It breaks my heart!!! I've weighed my options though, and I know that this is the next thing I have to do in my life for Abbie and me. In the long run, it'll mean I can provide a better life for her and will have more time with her. My goal now is to show her how much I absolutely love her and need her in my life and how much she means to me. She is my life! She is my sweet little princess!

5) Oh, and who can forget the saga with Ralph?!? Yep, it continues! It's just as big a pain as ever. We are still working on getting court orders #3 drafted correctly. You'd think it would be pretty easy when you have the transcripts of the court hearing in your hands, but clearly it's not! I don't entirely blame Ralph because it is his attorney who is doing the drafting, but we were all in the same courtroom. You'd think that some of the garbage they are trying to pass as orders from the commissioner are so far out in right field they'd be a little ashamed for even suggesting it! Nope! So we continue fighting the games. I keep getting told that being the reasonable parent will pay off, but I'm seriously wondering when and how! I am truly sorry for anyone who may be going through similar problems with ex's because it certainly drains you!

6) I think this is the main reason I have stopped blogging so much.... I have been seeing a therapist (I think that's what she is!) for the last several months. The reason I've been seeing someone is because I finally realized that I can't do it on my own and by "it" I mean healing. The first time I saw someone was almost a year ago after things got physical at one of Abbie's exchanges and I got hurt. I only saw that guy once and then was a little ashamed or embarrassed or scared of what I heard and of going back.

I finally got to a point last fall that I decided that I really needed someone neutral to talk to. It honestly terrifies me each time I go in, but in the end I usually walk away feeling much better. I've learned some things that have really opened my eyes. The first being the fact that I was in a very abusive relationship (mainly mental and emotional) and that Ralph really had a hold on my mind. We are working very hard on getting his voice out of my head and retraining myself to know that I wasn't all those awful things he called me (and still does). We are working hard on finding "me" again and breaking that control that Ralph had and still has on my life.

This is where the problem lies. The last time I saw my therapist, we talked about me writing Ralph a letter. Not the kind that you send him, but the kind that you write and completely open up in. Let all your feelings fly, whether good or bad. Yep, I'll be honest with you, this completely terrifies me. With everything that has gone on in the last 2 1/2 years (Abbie wise) and the 4 1/2 years before that (from the time we first met), I really don't want to go back and explore all those feelings I have worked so hard to file away! Okay, okay, I know writing one of these letters really does help. I wrote one 11 years ago to my best friend who killed himself and it really did make me feel much better. It allowed me to say goodbye to him and let me release those feelings I had about being responsible for not stopping it before it happened. See, I'm doing it right now! Distracting myself from writing about Ralph!!! Someday maybe this letter will happen. I just don't know that I'm ready to do it right now. I think what I really need is a good swift kick in the rear! Any takers???

7) Last, but definitely not least and certainly not the end (this blog is just long enough as it is!), Abbie is getting so big! She amazes me every day! She is growing up so fast, it's crazy! I miss my little cuddly sweet pea! Abbie climbs and jumps and runs everywhere and sings or talks nonstop. She is so incredibly darling! I'll have to post more pics! She loves the outdoors, so I'm always looking for new things to do with her. But, she is almost 18 months and wears me out! I would love that kind of energy!

That's a little bit of what has been going on in the last month since my last post! I have a few more to come, but I think I'm going to head to bed. I didn't sleep well last night and I think it's because Abbie is with Ralph again. This is her first 3 day 2 overnight time. I only cried when I was driving her over to meet Ralph. I've made it 36 hours now and have about 20 hours left. Okay, who am I kidding! Even I am confusing myself with my math! I've made it two full days and one overnight! One overnight and one full day left!!!!! I think I'm doing great!

Thanks all for listening to my ramblings! I promise I'll get better at posting again!



Here's my cute little peanut digging in the garden!

The Power Of Our Heavenly Father

I just laid Abbers down for the third time tonight (this was just before ten tonight).  The first time she was up?  Just the typical "It's been 50 minutes since you laid me down and I know you are watching the end of a great show, but I need a hug" cry.  

The second time she was screaming like she had hurt herself.  The reason?  She had somehow knocked her picture of Jesus off of her dresser.  She was jumping up and down in her crib, pointing to the crib, and crying.  As soon as I picked the picture up and showed her it was okay, she stopped crying and started laughing and shaking with excitement.  I handed her the picture and she gave it a big hug and kiss before I put it back on the dresser.  After another diaper change and a big squeeze, I haven't heard another peep!

Okay, so I'm human and I understand that.  I'll admit that I was irritated that in less than two hours since I had laid her down she was up crying for the second time (and NO, it wasn't because I was involved with any tv show. there isn't anything on worth watching Tuesday nights!)  I was even a little frustrated that she was crying so hard because she 

had knocked things off her dresser.  But, after seeing her response and relief to have that picture back up where it belongs was a bit humbling for me!  It is a huge comfort to me to know that she still has such a strong relationship with her Heavenly Father.   Ralph is no longer so much of a religious person so I feel like I am working a million times harder at being that example and teacher that Abbie needs.  With the way Abbie reacted tonight to the picture of Christ, it reaffirmed that I'm probably not doing quite as bad as I think I am!

I love you Abbie!  Thank you for being my teacher!

Easter 2009 cont.

I just wanted to post some of our other Easter pics and details. Abbie's Easter basket this year is a sand pail, complete with shovel! She loves digging in Grandpa's garden, so I figured this would be perfect. The Easter Bunny brought her some bubbles, cups with straws, a wind up toy, blocks, some crayons (the Easter Bunny forgot to get a coloring book to go with those crayons!), a package of marshmallows, and some small treats. Grandma and Grandpa gave her a sand and water table, so I'm excited to break that out when it gets a little warmer. She'll love it! Anybody know where to get sand???

Sunday we had the entire family together and did the traditional Easter egg hunts in my parents back yard. All the grandkids got a chance to hide and we had a pretty good time hunting them!

My mom even purchased some really cool eggs that came with special LED flashlights. Those eggs were all black and blue but had some funky reflective stripe on them. You had to use these specific flashlights in order to see the reflectors, so we did a few egg hunts inside Sunday night when all the lights could be turned out. It was a lot of fun! The kids were a little disappointed that they had to go home and couldn't continue all night!

Abbie checking out her Easter basket. Here she is content with an egg in each hand!



Picking Grandpa's flowers!



Enjoying Grandma's Easter cupcakes.



Hunting eggs with the cousins.



Abbie kept trying to put her eggs back into the drain spout. Silly kid!

Easter 2009

I had been racking my brain for weeks trying to come up with something fun and memorable to do for Abbie for Easter this year when I saw a flier for Thanksgiving Point's festivities.  What better way to celebrate Easter than to take a 1 year old to a not so big place on a not so big holiday for some spectacular fun!

Saturday morning started out crazy with a 1 year old who woke up too early and a cranky mom (me) who couldn't seem to get everything together in time.  My mom, sister, Abbie, and I made it down there with a few minutes to spare.  They had the egg hunts split up in to age groups, 0-3, 4-6, etc.  There were about a million people waiting to gather the eggs that were tossed out on the lawn.  When they said "go" I took Abbie's hand and we started running as fast as a toddler's legs can go.  Funny thing, when I looked up, we had been left in the dust!  The voices in my head told me to pick her up and run as well, otherwise we would never make it!  That's what I did.  I put Abbie down in a couple of different areas and she managed to pick up five eggs on her own.  (Two would have done it!  She was content with one in each hand)  While on our quest for eggs, I noticed a few peculiar things.  Of the baskets I saw, there were very few that were not overflowing.  I saw only one other parent who was letting their child gather their own eggs.  This cute little girl had picked up 1 and Abbie and I left her with 4 or 5 others around her.  I was very ashamed of the parents who did all the work for their kids.  Where is the fun in that for the kid?  Besides that, what are you teaching them?  Okay, I'm off my soapbox! 

Along with the egg hunt, they had other activities for the kids.  I've learned my baby is a little backwards.  We did the bean bag toss, only Abbie wanted to collect the bean bags and wouldn't throw them!  At the ring toss, I tossed the rings into the buckets and Abbie pulled them out!  We had a good time watching her!  We did some sidewalk chalk, colored an Easter picture, met the Easter bunny, and played with one of Abbie's favorite things, pinwheels!  It was a cool, rainy day but overall we had a good time!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Foot Diagnosis. . . .Is that what you call it?

Here's the latest foot update.  I saw my doc again yesterday.  He laughed when he walked in the room.  Good sign???  Who really knows.  He sat down and told me it was an interesting MRI result.  He told me, "I'll tell you what it says, then I'll interpret it."

This is what the MRI said.  I have a stress reaction to the third and fourth heads of the metatarsals.  Question a possible bone infection.  This is what it means.  Apparently a stress reaction is what they call it when the bone hasn't fractured, but is trying hard to.  Yippee!  The place in which the "reaction" is taking place is in the long bones of the foot, at the end before the ankle bones start.  If you're looking at the foot, it's pretty much right in the middle, where the arch is but I can pin point the pain on the top of my foot.  Make sense???  It makes perfect sense to me!  I had to have lab work done as well to rule out a bone infection.  He laughed at that possible diagnosis because my foot isn't red or inflamed.  He did also laugh again because it seems so odd for someone who doesn't play basketball, volleyball, or run to be experiencing an injury like this!

I left with the instructions to call him Thursday to get the lab results, to wear the pretty shoe for another month (or something that was comfortable, HA!), keep it rested (hello, active 1 year old!), and to come back in a month to check any possible changes.

So, what did I do today?  I put Abbie in that jogging stroller that hasn't been used yet and went for a 35 minute walk/run.  It was cold and painful, but I had to get out!!!  Not only did I need the fresh air but I swear I look pregnant again (not possible!) and that has got to go!!!  but that's another story!  Anyway, I figure if I can't get off it and give it the rest it's supposed to have all the time, the least I can do is make the time that I am on it more enjoyable for both me and Abbie!

1st Play Date

Last week when the weather wasn't so great, I had an epiphany in the shower (okay, this is where I do all of my good thinkin')! I was trying to think of something to do to entertain Abbie since it was too wet and cold to go outside.  

Sometime in January, I was in Park City doing some shopping and happened to stop in K B Toys, which was having a most fantastic going out of business sale, and I purchased a wading pool for Abbie this summer.  Along with the pool came a dozen or so plastic balls.  I purchased another 100 so that we could make it all worthwhile and have some indoor fun as well.

Back to the shower. . . . . so, the thought came to me that I should pull out the pool and invite my sister and her two youngest over for lunch and to play for a while.  After this thought came, I just couldn't stop them!  I started thinking indoor pool party (but with the balls of course!), coconut classes with milk, a tiki hut, and the thoughts just kept coming!  Don't ask me why my mind kept wandering, I don't have anything beach-like around!  I called my sister and ran the thought past her and she decided that lunch and the ball pit sounded all right and she'd be over in a bit.  

We started out with mac and cheese all around while I blew up the teeny tiny pool.  Okay, this pool is nothing like I thought!  It'll be great for Abbie alone, but not much room for any others!  My brother was also around and was just like the kids and couldn't wait to join in the fun with them!  Here are some of the pics!

Abbie, Hannah, and Anthony trying to fit into the pool!



Abbie and Hannah hiding under the pool



All three squishing in the pool



Hannah and Abbie

It turned out pretty well, regardless of what my sis may say.  A couple hours of eating and playing and it was time for afternoon naps.  Needless to say, they all slept pretty well!  Can't wait for the next play date!

My General Conference Review!!

For starters, I'm glad that the weather rarely wavers when it comes time for General Conference!!!  This year it is snow instead of rain!  Either way it's wet!!!  I wonder if it is the Lord's way of trying to keep us indoors where we may better focus on his words!!!

Anyway, I have to say that I love that they started with Press Forward Saints!  I have grown to love that song so much!

I didn't get to catch all of Elder Hales talk, but I love that he talked about how well Satan knows us.  He knows when, where, and with what to tempt us.  We need to be more in tune with the Spirit so we may be able to push away Satan and make correct decisions.  I also liked that he talked about spending wisely and for the right reasons.  Lately, I have a habit of wanting to spend what I've got on things I don't necessarily need!

I Thank Thee O God For A Prophet always gets me choked up!  I love that song!!!

Margaret S. Lifferth  (1st counselor primary presidency).   I love the reminder she offered about being consistent and an example to our children when teaching gospel principles!  It's easy to forget that Abbie is only 1 and won't always fold her arms for prayers.  That's okay!!!  At least she is learning to do it!  I do need to become better with my personal prayers, FHE,  and scripture study!

I can't even begin to restate the words of Elder Eyring, but his talk about how much the Lord loves us really touched me.  All we need to do is our part in preparing ourselves to be the most faithful people we can be and put our faith in our Lord and he will take care of us, regardless of the trials or hardships we are going through.  I can't wait to read this talk again in the Ensign  and pull more out of it!

President Monson offered another wonderful reminder to count your blessings in these hard times.  Put your hand in the Lord's, follow the light of Christ.  "Fear not, be of good cheer.  The future is as bright as your faith is."  Love it!!  

"You are never lost as long as you can see the temple."  This is about the only thing I heard from Gary Stevensen's talk, but I sure liked it!

So, I really didn't get to watch or listen to as much conference as I wanted, but I am looking forward to the Ensign this spring!!!

My favorite part of conference this year was that I couldn't lay Abbie down for her naps with the radio.  I had to turn on conference for her to listen to!  Cute kid!  She really settled down when it was on!  It's a comfort to know that she is still so close to our Heavenly Father.  With everything that has gone on in her life and everything to come, I hope she continues to have the same sweet spirit and remain as close to the gospel as she is now!  She is a great example to me.  I have a lot to work on to help maintain that spirit in our lives!

Thoughts of the Night.....

I'm sitting here in bed, wanting to sleep, with a million thoughts running through my mind and knowing full well, that sleep is a little ways away.  arrgh!!  But what better way to release the pent up energy than writing?!?

My first thoughts fall to my beautiful angel, soundly sleeping six feet away from me.   Yep, my baby is home tonight!!!  It has been a rough night, but I am grateful to have her home.  After yesterday, I didn't think that 5:30 pm could come soon enough.  Luckily, I worked today (and didn't get low censused! or sent home early for those who don't know that term).  We had enough to do today to keep management from sending any of us home, so the company and the distractions they provide was a great blessing!  At 5:15 I arrived at my sister's home, the designated exchange point, and waited eagerly for my baby to arrive.  5:24 came and Ralph (the ex.  I've decided this is what he is going to be called from here on out) and Abbie came up the walk.  My sister and I were both quite surprised as he did not park out front like any normal person would.  We laughed a little, this isn't the first time he has parked in front of the neighbor's home so he "couldn't be seen," composed ourselves, and the exchange took place.  Once again, Ralph was extremely vague with any details concerning the last 30-some hours Abbie was "in his care."  We watched from the window to see if he would drive past, but he did not.  No surprise there.  Last time he parked at the neighbors, apparently he backed down the street so he could turn around and wouldn't have to drive by so the cousins could wave goodbye to Abbie.  Oh, the games!  I love dealing with "adults!"

Regardless of the new found game Ralph is playing, Abbie was home and that is all that mattered.  Unfortunately though, when Abbie spends too much time with Daddy (i.e. Ralph) and doesn't get any sleep, she becomes aggressive and I hate to say it but she's a little violent.  After pulling a massive handful of hair out of her cousin's head and hitting another cousin, we decided it was time to go home home.  At home, she got dinner (which she acted like she hadn't eaten all day) and a bath.  After a bath, I always lotion her up.  Tonight she decided to stand up and give me a hug while I was putting lotion on her back, or that's what I thought she was doing.  Well, one big hug, a nibble, and a painful pinch left me with definite teeth marks, the loss of some skin on my shoulder, and a swat on Abbie's rear end.  Okay, okay, I know.  I feel absolutely horrible, I didn't even leave a slight red mark on her, but after telling her "NO" the first time she bit me and telling her that it was naughty behavior to bite people, I didn't know what else to do.  *sigh*   I have some definite parenting skills to learn.  Any suggestions out there on how to discipline a biting 1 year old when "no" doesn't work???  I hate using "no" anyway!

As I said, she is asleep now.  It only took about an hour of tears for her to settle down and fall asleep.  She is out now and I pray she sleeps peacefully through the rest of the night.  She'll need it.  History tells me she will be very clingy tomorrow when she's not trying to catch up on sleep, so we have a long day a head of us and a schedule to get back on!  Maybe I should be going to sleep!!!  I love you though, Abbie!  Sweet dreams Princess!!

Thought number two goes out to my foot.  I had a MRI yesterday to determine if there really is something to the pain in my foot that they couldn't find on the x-rays.  I don't know the results yet and probably won't until next week.  However they pinned my foot down for the exam and really made it hurt.  They taped a protein tablet (looks like a vitamin) to my foot where the pain is, then I had to lay on my stomach for a half hour with what felt like 20 lbs over my foot to hold it in place.  I didn't limp into the scanner but I certainly did out!  Having the pressure on my foot to make sure it didn't move and having to sit on that tablet for a half hour really did a number that I didn't expect!  Sheesh, the pain is irritating!  Not only did it make the pain come back but I now have a deep burning sensation on the bottom of my foot.  I sure hope they find the cause of this pain because seven weeks is more than enough now and I have a pretty high tolerance to pain!  Besides that, I have a new jogging stroller that needs to be used and a strong desire to use it regardless of the consequences!  If only I had magic fairy dust......!

I have so many other things going through my mind, but the last one I'm going to share is about conference this weekend.  I am so excited that it is time for General Conference again!  I seriously haven't felt this way since October 2007 when I was pregnant, struggling to find myself again and my bishop felt inspired to give my family the small handful of tickets to attend one of the sessions in the Conference Center.  I went that time with my mom and younger sister and the strong desire to get something out of it.  I knew the Lord had me specifically in mind for those speakers because they were talking directly to me!  I feel the same way this week as I am trying to mentally and spiritually prepare myself to listen to my Heavenly Father through his called instruments.  There is something out there this April conference that I need and I am eager to find out what it is!!!!  

Well friends, I am out of here for the night!  The sandman is starting to gain control!!!  Thanks for putting up with the random thoughts of Kristi for one night!

Missing my Abs

Today has been one of the longest days I've had in a while.  Today is the second time Abbie is spending the night with her dad.  Luckily it's only one night right now (well, until May then it gets increased.  eek!), but it has been much more difficult today than it was last time.  The last time I cried this much was months ago.  The last time she spent the night with her dad, I shed a tear or two, but managed to go to bed and sleep soundly through the night.  We'll see what tonight brings!  If there is another post, we'll all know I didn't sleep!

This morning, as I was changing her clothes and diaper, she was standing next to my bed and I told her, "You are going to be spending the day with Daddy today.  You will also be spending the night with Daddy.  I love you very much and I am going to miss you."  She looked at me, then walked over to me and wrapped her arms around me and gave me the biggest hug ever.  Yeah, it made my eyes tear up a little, but I had to be strong!  It was like she knew exactly what I was saying and understood what was going to happen.  She is such a strong little bug!  My mom has been telling me since I was pregnant that she is a special spirit to come down and be in the middle of all of this.  Little did we know that things were going to be so difficult between her dad and me.  (I'll have to post more about what has been going on.  The last year has been a nightmare with three court appearances and the silly and completely annoying games her dad is constantly playing)

I have opted not to call and tell her goodnight as I don't want to make it more difficult on any of us. Last time, her dad said she cried all night long. It will be hard enough for her to sleep outside of her own bed without me making it worse.  My prayers are with her though.  I know the Lord will keep her safe tonight and tomorrow until I pick her up.  Only 21 hours left to go!!!  Luckily, I will be working tomorrow, so that should keep me a little more distracted!  Hopefully this will get easier in time.  

Um, bloging help??

For those of you who did not ride the short bus or get placed in the gifted and talented class (like me of course),  I have a question of utmost importance!


Here goes.......How do I make definite spaces between paragraphs?!?  When I'm typing my draft and check out the preview there is definite air between paragraphs but when I actually publish it, they don't show!  I've tried everything my simple little mind can think of and even tried the "help" option which wasn't so helpful!  Anyway, if anyone out there knows how to help me, it would be muchly appreciated!!!!

Foot Frenzie

A few months ago, or more, my feet started hurting.  I figured it was just my shoes because they were old and my feet only hurt after I'd been wearing them at work.  I bought a few new pairs of tennis shoes I could wear at work.   Problem solved . . . . . or so I thought! 

About six weeks ago I really started having some pain in my left foot.  It only took three weeks for me to get in to the doctors (instacare in this case).  After a few x-rays, it was determined that I had a stress fracture even though they couldn't see anything in the x-rays.  I was given an orthopedic shoe, a prescription for Ibuprofen, and the instructions to wear the shoe 1 week past the time it stopped hurting and if it didn't start feeling better to get into my doctor for a bone scan.  

Today made it about three weeks.  I saw the orthopedic surgeon today.  X-rays were taken again.  He concluded that it couldn't possibly be a stress fracture as I am not a runner and only runners get stress fractures in their feet.  He also concluded that it couldn't be a bone infection as there is no swelling, redness, or heat, just localized pain.  This time I was sent home with another prescription for a different anti-inflammatory and an appointment for an MRI next week, not to mention the increased pain from his poking around!!

Here's to next week and the hopes that they can find the source of the pain! 

Mom does this all the time! Why can't I?

So I walked into the kitchen yesterday and this is the sight I came upon.  Abbie had pulled out a pair of shoes and spent a good five minutes or more trying to put them on herself!  Unfortunately this is the only picture I got because she found me and took a run for the camera.  As my brother said, she is too smart for her age!  She doesn't quite have the skills yet to match the smarts!

Day 2

So, I've managed to figure out a few things; thanks to those who have helped!  The pictures are coming, I promise.  I am waiting for a cable that will transfer everything from my old, slow computer to this new one.  After it gets here, I will get some pics posted.  Stay tuned!!

I went ahead and listed some blogs that I know about (mostly from facebook and emails!), but if you know of someone else that isn't listed that would love to be stalked by me as well, please let me know!!!

Getting Started

Okay, so I've been putting this off for months, at least, and for some reason getting a new computer inspired me to start blogging.  Go figure!  Anyway, so I'm still a little weary about this whole thing and not sure I'm as smart or creative as I should be to have a blog, but we'll see how it goes as time moves on!  In time, I will get some pictures and other things posted and hopefully figure out how to keep you all informed (well, those who want to be!) of everything that is and has been going on in our lives!  

Thanks for the patience kids!  If you have any tips or advice, please send them my direction!  I need all the help I can get!